Drunken Laughter
by TheBlueWingedRaven
Summary: Batfamily crack fic- Another charity event is being hosted at the manor. Of course when the family is involved nothing can ever go normally. Bruce's "friend" Colton maaay have slipped something in the Dark Knight's drink. Bruce gets himself in a humorous situation that will bring lots of laughs and smiles. :DD
1. Chapter 1

**Finally got some more time to write. This is not a very serious fic, I wrote it for laughs and smiles :) Just to let you know chapter one is mainly to set up the plot. I promise there will be much more laughs in Chapter 2. Otherwise enjoy! **

**Chapter 1: Alfred's orders **

The manor was filled with a soft hum of chatter, and people who were dressed to impress. People were laughing, dancing, and sampling the fine delicacies that were placed on top of a long table with a white laced table cloth.

"I've gotta hand it to you Bruce, you have done a very fine job running Wayne Enterprises." said a man in his late 50s, wearing a nice business suit.

"Thank you ." Bruce said with a smile. The two men were near the back of the room away from the crowd.

"Please Bruce, you've known me since you were six, call me Mark." Mark said, as the two stood in a comfortable silence, admiring the scene before them. In was one of the biggest charity events of the year, hosted by the one and only Bruce Wayne. The charity was for the poor people with crime ridden life's. It was to raise awareness about the problem and help them as much as possible. Providing jobs, health care, therapy, shelter, education, everything a person would need to start over again. Many people flew in to attend. Some from Metropolis, Central City, Star city, Bludhaven and Key stone City. It was quite the gathering.

"I've worked with your father for a few decades Bruce. And let me tell you this, he would have been very , very proud of you." he said, placing his hand on the younger mans right shoulder as a gesture of comfort.

"Thanks." Bruce said, his face lighting up the slightest bit. He eyed the clock, it was 10:30 PM. He should have left for patrol half an hour ago. He excused himself politely and skillfully weaved himself in and out of the crowd, reaching the door frame that would lead to his freedom. Making sure he wasn't being followed, he made his way to the grandfather clock. Before he could activate the clock, a crisp British voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Master Bruce, where do you think you're going?" Bruce turned around to face his faithful and loving butler/father figure, Alfred.

"Out to patrol." he said turning back to the clock.

"I'm afraid not tonight. Bruce Wayne can't simply disappear from a huge charity event, mind you, he is the one who started it. Therefore, he must be the one to end it. Trust me on this one sir. "

"But Alfred-"

"No buts Master Bruce. Now what are you going to do?" Alfred asked sternly.

There was a few seconds of silence before Bruce let out a sigh defeat.

"I'm going to go back into the gala and not leave till it's over. And also I have to listen to people go on and on about things I really couldn't care about and pretend I actually care, wearing a stupid smile on my face for the rest of the night." Alfred just cocked up an eyebrow, smiling.

"Well, off you go then." said Alfred, pointing back to the direction of the crowded room, not bothering to hide the amusement in his voice. Bruce let out an overly exaggerated sigh and shot Alfred an annoyed but playful look.

"Well, this is the end of me. Tell Clark to stay away from my funeral." Bruce said as he slowly dragged himself down the hall and back into the room. Alfred just rolled his eyes and smiled.

Bruce looked around with a bored expression. By the looks of it, no one was planning to leave anytime soon. What was his going to do for the rest of the night?

"Oooooh, Bruce!" said a coy voice. Bruce turned around to see an attractive woman emerging from the crowd of people, making her way over. She had brown silky hair, complimenting her magenta dress.

The woman wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his right shoulder, one of her hands stroking his chest. Bruce's body tensed up uncomfortably. He gently lead her hand off of him, hoping she would stop. The woman looked back at Bruce with a pout.

"Hello Vanessa, you're not one for charities. What brings you here?" he asked smoothly.

"Oh, nothing much. But I just love the good party. What's been on your mind? Me?" she said with a wink.

"You guessed it." he said with his signature playboy style.

"Hey Vanessa! We need you back on Camera!" shouted a man holding a camera.

"I have to go. But later the night belongs to us." she said flirtatiously with a wink. She leaned more into Bruce, giving him a passionate kiss before walking back towards the crowd, disappearing. As soon as she was gone Bruce made sure that no one was looking. He pulled a napkin from his pocket and lightly spat on it, trying to furiously wipe off the lipstick on his cheek he knew was there. He looked at the napkin but he only managed to wipe of a small smudge.

"Stupid waterproof lipstick..." he muttered under his breath, continuing to rub the napkin against his cheek.

"Now this, this is priceless. Mind if you get her to kiss you again so I can get it on video?" said a too familiar voice. Bruce looked up to see Barbara standing in front of him, holding back giggles. She was wearing a pretty red dress, her hair styled nicely.

"Very funny." he said with a half annoyed half embarrassed smile.

" How was your class trip to Spain?" asked Bruce, regaining his composure.

"It was great! But a month was way too long. I missed you guys." she said , enveloping her mentor in a long, tight loving hug. Bruce was hesitant, but returned the hug with just as much love.

"We missed you too." he said with a soft smile. Bruce wasn't lying. He really did miss her. In fact he was worried about her leaving for a month, not like he would ever tell her that though. He knew she could handle herself. Ever since Joker's latest scheme to break the family apart, they seemed to be closer together. None of them wanted to beseparated from each other again. Not anymore.

"I'm _dying _to go on patrol. Any where specific we have to go tonight?" she said keeping her voice low, so it was out of ease dropping range.

"Just you, Dick, Tim and possibly Jason tonight. Unfortunately, I have to stick around for the w_hole _thing, according to Alfred."

"I'm sure you'll survive." she said, resting her hand on his left shoulder. Bruce let out a hiss of pain and flinched away from her touch. Barbara shot him a concerned look.

"Bullet wound. Nothing big though, just minor. I'll be fine." he said quickly, leaving no room for questions.

"Barbara!" an unforgettable voice shouted. Dick came rushing over, giving his girlfriend a big hug and kiss on the cheek. After a few minutes of the talking and updating each other on what's been happening, Dick brought the conversation back to present time.

"So, what's happening with patrol tonight?" Dick asked.

"Well Bruce is going to have to skip tonight. Just us, Tim and Jason if he is up to it. _Alfred's orders_." she said, saying the last bit with importance.

"So what are you going to do for-" Dick was cut off by a loud but mildly polite voice.

"-Well if it isn't _Bruce Wayne_!" the man said. The man approached Bruce, completely ignoring the two teens. He grabbed Bruce's hand and gave him a rough handshake, before slapping his hand on Bruce's injured shoulder. Bruce cringed, pain clearly written on his face, but the man didn't seem to notice. The two teens stared at the man in bewilderment as he began to blabber about deals and stocks.

"Why do you look so shocked Bruice boy? You must know me, Colton Walker. C.E.O. of Walker Industries from Central city."

After a few moments of thinking, Bruce's face lighten up with knowledge. "Yes, I heard of your work."

"Well of course you have, silly. But hey, I could really use some tips. I don't know, maybe give me a few of your stocks?"

Bruce stared at Colton, his eyes narrowing slightly, traces of the bat glare creeping on his features.

"I'm just joking Bruice. Can't you take a joke?" he said with a smile, his tone warm.

"It's been nice talking to you Mr. Walker, but my son and his friend." he said indicating to Barbara. "were actually planning too-"

"-Call me Colton. But _come on_, you got time for a chat." said Colton as he started to lead Bruce away from the teens, but Bruce kept his stance firmly.

"Sorry Colton, but I really have to-"

"Have to make some business deals with good ol Colton. Come on, a few deals won't hurt. I mean, how do you think the media would react if they figured out Gotham's Prince _denied _a chat with the C.E.O. of Walker Industries? It would be in the best interests for _both _of our companies."

A few moments passed as the family exchanged a few looks. Bruce looked one last look at the teens before responding to Colton.

"Of course." Bruce said with a forced smile. As soon as the words left his mouth, Colton yanked Bruce by his left arm (which painfully pulled his bullet wound) as he was pulled into the crowd of people. Dick and Barbara's eyes followed their mentor as he was literally dragged across the room towards the snack table. Colton pulled out what looked like a wine bottle from his brief case. The two talked for a few moments as Colton poured two glasses.

"Can't read their lips. Can you?"asked Barbara, still watching the scene that was unfolding in front of them.

"No, they're too far away." Dick replied. Colton seemed to "accidentally" drop a small object that rolled underneath the table. As Bruce bent down to pick it up Colton quickly popped something small in his mouth and swallowed. Bruce got back up and returned the object as Colton handed him a glass of wine.

"What was that?" asked Barbara, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm not sure. I'm assuming it was a pill of some sort." replied Dick, his features reflecting Barbara's. Bruce seemed to stare at his glass of wine suspiciously. Colton laughed and patted Bruce's shoulder. In a few seconds 3 reporters, along with cameras swarmed the two business men. Colton raised his glass and Bruce raised his to clink, both smiling at the camera. Colton took a big sip from his wine glass, talking to the reporters. Bruce smiled and hesitantly took a sip from his wine glass, before placing it down on the table. More people and cameras surrounded the two, blocking them from the teens sight.

"I don't know Dick. Something doesn't seem right." Barbara said worriedly.

"He'll be ok. I mean, it is Bruce we're talking about."

"Still I would feel better if we kept an eye on them."

"Agreed. But I don't think Bruce would approve if we skipped patrol to make sure Colton doesn't attempt to murder him or anything. Plus there is no way we are letting Tim go out by himself."

"How about this. We tell Tim to skip patrol tonight. If anything serious happens we'll go. If not..." she trailed off looking into Dick's eyes.

"May I have this dance?" asked Dick, one hand behind his back.

"Yes you may ." she said accepting his awaiting hand.

"Hey don't call me that. It's too... I don't know too formal."

"Ok Dickie bird." she said with a teasing wink.

"That's not what I meant."

"I think it suits you well Nightnut."

"Ugh."

"Oh how about-"

"Oh shut up." he said capturing her lips with his.

**This was chapter one! If you enjoyed it stay tuned! Same bat story, same bat writer! **

**Review, favourite and enjoy!**

**~BlueRaven **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2! Enjoy! **

**Chapter 2: Getting the party started **

Colton let go of Bruce's arm as they reached the snack table.

"Oh hey, you've _got_ to try this wine." Colton said, retrieving a wine bottle from his briefcase.

"It's very popular in Tuscany. A very fine red wine." he said, pouring two glasses.

"I think I tried that before. But I thought it was a white wine."

"Oh Bruce, trust me. It's white. I had this numerous times. It's called-"

"-Cavallo bianco." Bruce said.

'"Yeah, that's the one."

'_He's lying. I know it's a white. Dad brought me to Tuscany once, I met the man who made the wine. Why would he lie?' _A pen rolling under the table caught his attention.

"Oops, clumsy me. Could you pick that up for me?" Bruce bent down and looked under the table, retrieving the pen.

"Here." Bruce said handing the pen to Colton.

"Thanks, have a drink." Colton said with a friendly tone, handing Bruce a glass. He looked at it suspiciously. Colton laughed, placing his hand on Bruce's shoulder.

"Oh come on. It's just wine. I'm sure you can afford to have a glass." he said with a smile.

'_Something doesn't seem right.'_

_"_Well if it isn't Bruce Wayne and Colton Walker. What are you boys doing?" asked a reporter, who was none other than Vicki Vale. Two more reporters followed her, bringing cameras with them.

"_Oh great. This is exactly what I needed."_

"Oh you know, just talking about some deals. Cheers." said Colton raising his glass. Bruce flashed a smile and clinked his glass. Colton took a big gulp of his wine, flirting with one of the reporters. Unwilling, Bruce took a small sip and placed the glass back on the table. To his surprise it actually tasted good. Really good. He couldn't help himself and took two more sips. Whatever this was it was music to his taste buds. One of the reporters picked up the wine Colton brought. She was just about to pour herself a glass when she was abruptly stopped by Colton.

"Hey uh don't drink that!" Colton said quickly swiping her wine glass, panic in his eyes. Bruce stared at Colton suspiciously.

"For uh.. For a fine lady you must have the _finest _wine. Besides, I heard red wine dulls the shine in female hair. A gorgeous woman like you should have hair that shines." The reporter blushed before thanking Colton and getting herself a new glass.

"It was nice talking to you ladies, but we really have to get down to business now." Colton said with a wink, taking the wine and Bruce with him. They walked out of the room and into the many hallways of the manor.

"Red wine dulls the shine in one's hair?" Bruce said, mimicking Colton half heartedly.

"What? I read it in the magazine." Colton said defending himself.

"Well I drink red wine and my hair is fine." Bruce said, running a hand through his short raven hair.

"Duh. It's because we're men." Colton said rolling his eyes with a smile.

Bruce bit a resort, keeping quiet instead. His head began to throb softly. The hallway started to spin in slow lazy circles. He shook his head and blinked a few time. The room stopped spinning but the throbbing continued. Blaming it on the late patrol nights, he decided to ignore it.

"Is this room fine?" asked Colton, already opening the door.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, it's fine."

The two walked into the medium sized room. It was nicely furnished. In the middle of the room were three couches and an old wooden coffee table.

Colton sat himself down on one couch and Bruce sat down on the opposite couch. Colton poured himself a full glass and Bruce's half glass full.

"I don't know if you noticed, but Lex Corp is really taking the lead with the stocks. I mean, he must have bought at least half of them. So, what I was thinking, if we can get both of our companies to work together, we can buy out Lex Corps. " Colton said, sipping his wine.

"I agree, Lex Corp is buying up all the stocks but, I don't think buying him out is the best way to go." Bruce said, slowly draining his glass of wine. Why was he still drinking it? Scowling himself, he placed the glass on the table and sank deep into the couch. He knew there was something wrong with it. But Colton was drinking it happily with no problem. He started to have doubts. Maybe it was red wine, not white.

"What do you mean? It's a great way to go. If we buy him out there is no way he can get back in the game."

"Not exactly. He'll be out for awhile but Luther has his ways. Let him take the stocks. He is foolishly buying them without thinking. In a matter of time those stocks will drop and he would have lost millions of dollars. If we interfere, we risk losing money ourselves, leaving Luthor an open window." Bruce replied, watching Colton drain another glass of wine.

"Maybe your right. But we defiantly have to do something. Or at least I will. I'm not going to sit around and let him take the shots."

The throbbing in his head worsened and the room started to slowly spin again. He rested his head in one of his hands but the spinning wouldn't stop.

"Hey, Bruce are you ok?" Bruce tried to reply but his tongue felt twisted. The room was spinning to quickly for Bruce to notice the smug look on Colton's face. He clenched his teeth, as a wave of dizziness washed over him.

'_I've must have been drugged. The wine! It had to be the wine. When I went to pick up the pen, he must have slipped something in my drink.. or maybe he took ...a pill of some sort... beforehand, that would ex..plain why.. he didn't.. want the gir...l to dr..ink a..ny...of the.. wi..ne... ' _His thoughts slowly faded. The spinning came to a slow stop and the throbbing lessened. A big smile graced on his lips.

"Yeah, I'm great! I think. I don't know. You tell me." Bruce said holding back giggles.

Colton smiled, sipping his wine.

"What- what did you do to my drink?" Bruce said trying hard to contain his laughter.

"Oh nothing really. Just a little mixture I got my friend to whip up. Very fast acting too. So, in easier terms I got you drunk...ish. Oh, expect it to gradually gets worse. Not throwing up worse, I'm not that cruel. I don't know how to explain it, you'll pretty much eventually find anything funny. Smile, laugh, talk about random crap and answer personal questions." Colton said casually.

"Why, aren't you l-laughing?" Bruce said with a bright smile.

"Took a pill. I'm covered." Colton said, holding a small bottle filled with white pills.

"Anyways, let's get this over with quickly."

"Suuuurie" Bruce said with a half confused smile.

"How does Wayne Enterprises always buy the right stocks? I mean the A.M.B.D. stock you bought 3 days ago is soaring. How did you know it was going to do so well?"

Bruce shook his head, trying to excel the drug but it seemed to only make it worse. "Eaaasy. You just gotta wait for the right moment. Allllllways get the stocks that most people don't believe in. That way if the stock d_oes _drop a lot you'll hardly lose any money. Buuuuut, if the stock does very well then you gain so much money because no one bought the stocks." he said, slightly shocked at what he just said.

"Ok, well I'm going to kick Wayne Enterprises out of the stock and buy it all for my company if you don't mind. What's your password." Colton asked, getting out his phone.

Bruce bit the inside of his cheek, attempting to keep his mouth shut, which proved to be a very difficult task. He tasted blood as his mouth was wrenched into a smile, words flowing quickly out of his mouth.

". It's- it's the time my parents got murdered."

"Oh.. Uh, sorry to hear about that."

He covered his mouth shut with both hands, suddenly laughter seemed to be spilling out of his throat. It seemed if he wasn't talking then the only thing he could do was laugh. Laugh, laugh and laugh. His eyes started tearing as the laughter grew.

"Don't bother, The more you resist the stronger it gets." Colton said staring at Bruce with amusement.

His throat and lungs were burning, begging him to stop. Bruce fell over to his side, his frame shaking with muffled forced laughter. The drug rapidly got stronger, getting the upper hand. Bruce's pupils got slightly bigger as he let his hands slowly drop limply to his side. He took in a much needed breath, filling his lungs with sweet, sweet air. Bruce's panting slowed as a smile placed itself on his face.

"About the parent death thingy. It's _totally_ fine! I mean, I was 8 when I saw them get shot. Soooooo that was like _ages _ago. Like how many years?" Bruce giggled, counting his fingers.

"Yep, 69 years ago!"

"Bruce aren't you 27?" Colton asked, giving Bruce a half hearted confused look.

"Noooooooooope. I'm turning 28 in a few months."

"But that means you're- You know what whatever." Colton pulled out his phone. In a couple of minutes with the help of Bruce's password, he managed to hack into W.E. stocks account. Looking for the A.M.B.D. he sold the stock to his company, for a quarter of what W.E. paid for originally. Then he went onto his account and bought up the rest of the stock. Colton finished off the last drops of his wine, checking the time on his watch.

"Hey Bruce, I have to run. Nothing personal. Just business." Colton said as he began to pack up his belongings.

"Oh it's soo fine. I was planning to drop out of that stock tonight anyways." Bruce said cheerfully.

"Why? It's doing so well. It's earning you millions!"

"Yeaaa, but nothing good never lasts for long. If the stock suddenly plummeted I would _lose_ more than I would earn! Don't wanna take a chance." Bruce said slurring his words slightly.

"I thinks that's the stupidest Idea ever, but whatever. At least Luther will be out of the game."

Suddenly Bruce erupted in a fit of laughter. "Have you noticed how s_hiny and smooth _Lex Luther's head is? Like he is_ soo_ bald."

"Yeah, he isn't aging very well." Colton said with a small smile. Bruce continued to laugh, mumbling nonsense.

"I can imagine little people snowboarding and skiing down his bald head! Weeeeeeeee!" Bruce exclaimed, making little roller coaster movements with his hand.

" Ha ha... yeah. Hey, I'm going to go now. But you have to try to stay quiet ok? The drug will wear off in a few hours. I think, something like that."

"Oh suuurie! I have nooo problem with that! Yes sirrrrie! I can be quiet!" he said gleefully as he continued to giggle.

"Oh come on. Just shut up for-" Colton stopped mid sentence and covered Bruce's mouth tightly.

"Bruce?" called out a young male's voice.

"Great. It's that stupid kid." Colton eyed Bruce's blue tie.

"Shhhh. Let's play a game. Try to be quiet. If you make a noise you lose the game. Got it?" Bruce nodded, biting his lips shut. After seeing the response, Colton gently removed his had from Bruce's mouth, He undid Bruce's tie, using it as a make shift gag, to shut up Bruce's laughter.

"Ok now to just get you out of sight."

"Taght ts souo fernny! Oout ef seeight." Bruce said, his words muffled by the gag. His whole body shook with laughter. Bruce tried to stand up, but he ended falling backonto the couch, rolling over the side. A loud thud followed by "owie" and more muffled giggles was heard, coming from behind the couch.

"That takes care of that. See ya around Bruce." Colton said quickly making his exit.

" It's been 40 minutes. In trouble or not, I think we should check out Bruce. You know how he hates those meeting. Plus, if we're going to head out to patrol just for the sake of it, I need to ask Bruce about a case before we go out." Barbara said, walking with Dick towards the doorway that would lead them out of the boring and crowded room.

"Ugh. I don't know Babs. I can't find them anywhere." Dick said, scanning the room once more.

"I bet they went into one of the rooms here. Let's start looking."

"Oh great Idea. We're going to spend the night searching through over the dozens of rooms here. Fun."

"Hey, I'm not joking. And not all of them. Just a few."

"Ok , fine. You go left I'll go right. But trust me. I've lived with Bruce for years. I know him well."

"I don't doubt that. Still, text me if you find him." Barbara said, taking the left side of the hallway. Dick took the right, strolling down the familiar hallways. Faint laughter filled the quiet hallway. Dick slowly approached, getting closer to the source of the sound. It seemed to be coming from one of the three doors that was a few feet away from him.

"Bruce?" Dick called out. His trained hearing easily caught a faint voice whispering. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Hearing footsteps approaching, he quickly took cover behind a corner. Colton walked out quietly, checking to make sure no one was watching. Thanks to the hide and seek games and 8 years of roaming the hallways of the Manor, he knew exactly where to hide where Colton couldn't spot him. Colton straightened his tie with a smile, and strolled down the hallway towards the gala. Dick quickly pulled out his black Iphone, which had a Superman case on it. He smiled, Tim gave it to him for his birthday. Really anything to bug Bruce , he accepted with open arms.

*_Just saw Colton, he's heading back to the gala. Came from a room, I'm going to check it out.*_

In a few seconds, his phone vibrated with a response.

*_Got it.* _In 10 seconds later he received another text.

*_Just saw him leave, he looked like he was in a rush.* _Dick smiled softly as he responded. He loved the unspoken communication the family shared.

*_First floor, take a right, another right, it's the door closest to you.* Dick texted back._

_*thx*_

With that, Dick quietly made his way towards the room, his hand hovering over the door knob. Small giggles and muffled words were louder as he slowly opened the door. The room was lit up brightly by the ceiling, expelling the shadows. His eyes darted, scanning the room. He cautiously walked towards the bubbly laughter. His eyes widened as he looked behind the couch.

"Bruce!?"

"Heiiiiy! Wesht uop?" Bruce asked happily. One look at his eyes and Dick knew that Bruce had left the building awhile ago.

"What the_ hell_ happened to you?" Dick asked, untying the gag from his adoptive Dad.

"Oooooh, nooothing much." He said, with a smile. Dick winced at how scratchy Bruce's voice sounded, it was like he was screaming before. Shaking off his astonishment he helped Bruce up, supporting most of his weight.

"Can you walk?"

"Let me seeeee." Bruce pushed himself out of Dicks embrace. Bruce managed to walk for a few seconds before tripping over his own feet. With trained and fast reflexes Dick swiftly caught Bruce, hauling him back up to his feet.

"Nooope!" Bruce said with a stupid grin. Dick took one of Bruce's arms, draping it over his neck to better support the older man.

"Colton did something, didn't he." Dick said, more as a fact then a question.

"Yeeppp!"

**Going to get two more familiar characters in the next chapter :) Hope people are enjoying this **

**Review, favourite and ENJOY!**

**-BlueRaven **


End file.
